Trust on Purpose

Revisiting our Purpose

June 27, 2022
Revisiting our Purpose
Trust on Purpose
More Info
Trust on Purpose
Revisiting our Purpose
Jun 27, 2022

Send us a message - we'd love to hear from you

In this 21st episode of Trust on Purpose, we reflect on our first 20 episodes, revisit our original purpose for recording this podcast series, and share with one another how we are experiencing trust in our own relationships.

We want to thank the team that continues to support us in producing, editing and sharing our work. Jonah Smith for the heartfelt intro music you hear at the beginning of each podcast. We LOVE it. Hillary Rideout for writing descriptions, designing covers and helping us share our work on social media. Chad Penner for his superpower editing work to take our recordings from bumpy and glitchy to smooth and easy to listen to episodes for you to enjoy. From our hearts, we are so thankful for this team and the support they provide us.

Show Notes Transcript

Send us a message - we'd love to hear from you

In this 21st episode of Trust on Purpose, we reflect on our first 20 episodes, revisit our original purpose for recording this podcast series, and share with one another how we are experiencing trust in our own relationships.

We want to thank the team that continues to support us in producing, editing and sharing our work. Jonah Smith for the heartfelt intro music you hear at the beginning of each podcast. We LOVE it. Hillary Rideout for writing descriptions, designing covers and helping us share our work on social media. Chad Penner for his superpower editing work to take our recordings from bumpy and glitchy to smooth and easy to listen to episodes for you to enjoy. From our hearts, we are so thankful for this team and the support they provide us.

Charles: Hello, my name is Charles Feldman.

Ila: And my name, Ila Edgar. And we're here for trust on Purpose

Charles: It's a podcast dedicated to exploring trust in all its forms at work, and even sometimes at home and in your community. And today we're gonna do something that, we often recommend to leaders and teams that we coach and work with, which is to revisit periodically your purpose, revisit the question. Why are we doing this for the sake of what?

Charles: So we've been doing this for about six months and we have

Ila: We dropped episode 20 this morning.

Charles: Okay. So 20 episodes in, it's certainly time to go back and take a look at our purpose for doing this and see if we're still aligned with that. If it's still the right purpose and how we're doing with that. what thoughts do you have as we, start in on that question?

Ila: I remember the conversation that we had. many, many, many months ago. And you said to me, I have a crazy idea. what do you think of doing this together? And it seems a bit surreal that here we are 20 episodes later with so many incredible conversations, such great feedback, and. If I listen to my heart in this moment, I feel like we are really still aligned to that purpose. We wanted to make trust and trust conversations and this incredible framework, more accessible as I do a quick Rolodex in my brain of all of the topics that we've talked. my own learning has deepened. I feel like my connection with you has deepened. Thank you for that.

Charles: I recall when we first. did the podcast about our purpose, why we're doing this? for me, it was mostly about, helping other people deepen their own experience of trust, their own ability to, build it, maintain it, repair it when they. needed to. all of that still pertains.

Charles: And I think also it's been a great journey of learning for me that I hadn't expected that has been just a wonderful, lovely surprise. our relationship, as you said, my relationship with you has gotten stronger and deeper.

Charles: and my relationship with the, the material that we've been working with has gotten deeper, theres ways now that I look at trust and trust building that I had never even thought of things that are. Elemental to what people experience when they're in their lives, at work at home, wherever, that have to do with, trust being able to shine a light there, perhaps help other people.

Charles: And also just learning it myself or getting, more familiar with it. Myself has been just great learning experience and a real joy. so the purpose I think for me is, I still feel very deeply aligned with that helping other people, build stronger trust in their lives with their coworkers, their bosses, the people who work for them and all of that. and there's been this added layer, which I just love.

Charles: now I see extending the purpose in a sense to my own learning, our own learning. yeah. 

Ila: there have definitely unexpected ahas along the way. Things that I didn't expect to bump into as we. You know, Hey today, we're gonna talk about this. And as we get into the conversation, you really having that ability to look at myself in the mirror and having the ability to view trust, or distrust or whatever it was in the moment. really from a feet on the floor, I'm looking in the mirror, I'm seeing this up close and personal in a way that I hadn't had before. and I think, just as I say that out loud, I think that's really the invitation is that we can read as many books as we want. We can take all sorts of courses, that beautiful quote from the Asara tribe in Papa, new Guinea, Knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in your muscle. And I feel we've taken, I've taken the trust framework and the concept. More and more into my muscle as we've been able to unpack and look at different situations in a way that I've never done before.

Charles: Yes. that definitely is part of what I was hoping we both would be able to do together. And I think also our title for this series is a part of our purpose. We talk about trust on purpose and. What we really mean by that have meant all along is that we can, build stronger trust, maintain strong trust, even repair trust on purpose.

Charles: If we leave it to chance sometimes. Yeah. We have these wonderful trusting relationships that seem to just develop. by chance. but that doesn't always work. in fact, probably much more often we have to work at it. We have to think about building it and think about how we're gonna do that. And what impacts our behaviors are gonna have on others. So we have to be purposeful. and building it. So that's another piece for me, our purpose or our, why is here let's, really explore what that means to be intentional and purposeful about building trust with other people by being. As trustworthy as we can. And of course, that's what we're talking about here, in terms of all of you listeners, here's, some ways to think about being more trustworthy, perhaps, or continuing to be trustworthy with the people around you. 

Charles: being trustworthy on purpose, and then also on the other side of that, extending trust on purpose wisely. With thought with care. so that we don't find ourselves in situations where our trust is, betrayed and it's a surprise. so yeah. it's trust on purpose.

Ila: I had The opportunity to present at an in person leadership conference on Thursday last week. So the first time that I've done that since before the pandemic. I did a session on trust. And at the end of the day, we closed with what are you taking away? And it's so easy to have a list of, all these great notes, pages, and pages of notes, all these ahas you've taken throughout the day and the learning, but anything that we.

Ila: take on with intention and purpose. Isn't about doing 87 different things tomorrow. oh my gosh. Here's all the things that we need to do instead, rather, how do we bring intention and purpose to what matters? And there's this really interesting conversation. we don't think anything about, Going out and practicing our golf swing or spending hours, running distance to build up our strength and endurance or, taking classes to become better in the kitchen, or, I'm gonna increase my, project management skills.

Ila: So, I'm gonna take this course and really apply it to a project. The same muscle needs to be developed. And so if trust is something that's important, how are we putting intention and purpose into building that muscle and that practice? Yeah, it was a really interesting conversation. Most people don't think of it from that perspective.

Charles: Yeah, absolutely. And so the idea of, being intentional and paying attention, because it requires doing that, anything just like you said, your golf swing or, or, uh, your cooking skills, um, to develop. Takes both intention and attention. And so again, the idea of being purposeful, setting out to do it, with some, end in mind of having stronger trust, deeper trust in the relationships that we have. 

Charles: One of the things I love about this process between the two of us, is that I know with the people I work with, my clients I talk about and, invite them or challenge them depending on what the situation is to talk about trust, because that's part of how we do it. that's how we actually in teams build trust, build trust with our direct reports and our managers and our peers. it does help to do that. it doesn't always need to be that way, but when things come up. That could damage trust or have damaged trust in particular, it's important to be able to have a conversation about it. again, intentionally and, in a way that will have the result that we're, looking for, that will be most impactful and positive.

Charles: And so that's another thing I know we've talked. And a couple of different, podcasts in this series. it's back to trust on purpose, including conversations with purpose, with care. All of this for me. I love it because all of this seems to have been well aligned with just our initial simple purpose in our why, for the sake of what are we doing this? and it continues to unfold that way, 

Ila: that really. has resonated more and more with me. The more that we have these conversations is when you're in a big trust breakdown. well we can rebuild trust. We can start to implement the muscles that we've been practicing saying much more effective is can we build trust from the beginning?

Ila: Versus when the train's already gone off the tracks. And I think that, that's another thing that I see with some of our, clients that I work with we have this big breakdown now, what do we do? And it's not to say that we can't rebuild repair, build something back. but when you're in breakdown or when you're in crisis, isn't the time and place to build a new skill. So can we be intentional when we start building relationships and what are the practices that we can put into place so that if there is a breakdown, a big one, we already have some skills and tools that either prevent it or help us get back on track.

Charles: not all trust breakdowns are.

Ila: some of them are

Charles: some of them are

Ila: Some of

Charles: yes, but, again, I think this is one of those things where we can build the muscle even of repairing trust when there are small trust breakdowns, applying those skills, building the muscle to repair trust. So if, and when a big trust breakdown happens in our lives, We're probably never fully prepared for a big trust breakdown, but we have some of the muscle to deal with it we'll be much more likely to succeed in rebuilding it, even if it's a big rent in the fabric of trust. 

Charles: which again goes back to something that we've both talked about, that trust is part of all of our relationships, trust or distrust to some degree. it's part of the fabric of the relationship. so it can seem like something that is. Okay. I have this good relationship with this person. I have a Soso relationship with that person. I have a very poor relationship with that person. Our team has good relationships with each other in there in all of those relationships. Trust is part of it. 

Charles: And bringing that to the forefront sometimes not all the time, but sometimes just checking in having a conversation, how are we doing? You know, how am I doing? am I behaving in ways that you see as trustworthy? Are there things that I do that you think maybe aren't so trustworthy? How are we doing with our team? how are we doing in the domain of care? Do we feel like we really care about each other, which is kind of an underpinning for me of psychological safety. how are we doing with sincerity? do we feel like we're being sufficiently honest with each other and open, transparent, or do some of us feel like things are being hidden, swept under the rug not addressed that really need to be addressed?

Charles: Are we, reliable with each other? Are we keeping our commitments? and, how's it going with competence? are are all of us showing up with the level of competence that we need to, or are there gaps?

Ila: So just as we have, you know, proactive conversations. As a leader with direct reports, we have regular one-on-ones, and check-ins, we might have project status, update reports we have all of these conversations and we know how important they are. And yet what I'm listening and realizing is I look left and right. Is that, how often do we actually have these proactive trust conversations? How are we doing?

Charles: yeah

Ila: And how incredibly valuable. Hmm.

Charles: So having, brought that how are we doing? are you still assessing that? I care about our shared purpose that I have that in mind when we're making or I'm making decisions about this, you assess that I have your back, that I have your best interests in mind.

Ila: mm-hmm without a shadow of a doubt. Absolutely.

Ila: Without a shadow of a. and may I ask the same question to you? Do you feel that I'm showing up with

Charles: Yes. Absolutely. we talk about different topics for our conversations and you're often right there with a new topic that I hadn't thought of. That would be great. and you listen to me when I have topics or when I don't have topics. But in the conversations that we have, also, my sense is that you're really tuned into and listening to me. And even if I seem to be going. on a tangent somewhere, you can find a way it seems to bring it back around to what the topic is, which is another, for me, a sign that you're caring about me.

Charles: You're not just letting me go. you see me? You listen to me. You, know who I am and you know, when I'm on a tangent or when I'm. Eliciting or elucidating something that's critical and key here. And that's for me, part of what I assess as, your care for what we're doing together. And for me as a friend and a colleague,

Ila: something that really matters to me in the domain of care. And this could also touch in the domain of competence is when we started. And as we've gone along, I have an assessment that you are much more knowledgeable about the framework that you wrote about. of course you are. And how that shows up for me in care is that you hold me.

Ila: as who I am with the level of knowledge experience, the perspective, the sharing that I have, and you hold that as also valid and also true, even if it's just true for me. So that really matters to me.

Charles: Well, and, yes, it does touch on the domain of competence because I see you as being highly competent in this whole topic. And also bringing pieces in that I don't have much competence in at all. you often, for example, bring up the work of Brene brown, which you're very familiar with as well as others that you're familiar with that I'm like, oh, wow.

Charles: That's great. I hadn't heard about that before, so that's wonderful. The domain of sincerity. I'll just talk from my own perspective. I have yes. I assess you are very honest. you're. Trying to be something you're not, you're completely honest about who you are and what you're about.

Charles: And, I very much appreciate that. and I don't have any sense in the domain of, sincerity that, there's any concern for me. as well as being honest. you walk your talk, you show up, you do what you're, you're there with the purpose that we share, I do not see any concerns in that domain. What about you?

Ila: No concerns again, not, a shadow of a doubt. I think some of the ways that you've come into conversation, the sharing. Personally and professionally from your own experiences, that's really mattered to me too, in that you're also human navigating relationships, just like the rest of us. And so that authenticity, that sincerity resonates to my soul.

Ila: I have absolutely no concern. Yeah. 

Charles: and the other thing too, I think in this domain and also in the domain of care to some degree is that, you're willing to be vulnerable. not just to me, but to our listening audience and in service to their learning and their, oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, she's been there before. I can, relate to that and, so I can, and hopefully so can the people who are listening to our podcast. So my, sense of your, sincerity is. Yes, 10 on a 10 scale reliability I hope you see it the same way, but I think we do what we say we're gonna do. We, have not missed one of these podcasts recording sessions. we've had a couple technical problems 

Ila: We sure have

Charles: which are in the domain of, oh my God, what do we do now? Okay. we have this commitment, but we can't actually fulfill it because 

Ila: Yep. 

Charles: it's in trouble.

Charles: But other than that, you show up, you do what you say you're gonna do. and when you make offers, You follow through with those as well.

Ila: I have the same assessment. now, again, this isn't a secret wish because I'm declaring And it's not necessarily about reliability, but it would make my heart sing to be able to actually do this in person where you and I were in the same room at the same time. Like, oh my gosh.

Charles: Yes, that would be wonderful. we'll, we'll figure out something. and then of course, the domain of competence, and we talked a little bit about that, but I have a high degree of trust. I really trust your competence, not only in this framework, but your competence in tends in, bring this alive, your capacity to bring this difficult, sometimes difficult subject alive for our listeners in, in ways. Maybe even that I'm, I'm not able to. So I really appreciate that you have a unique competence in that way.

Charles: which I think helps back to our shared purpose helps really, bring that across. I have no concerns about your, competence in the material. and I think both of us have some issues of competence with our technology that we're still learning. but that's, I think also points to, yeah, we're not always competent in everything.

Charles: we're highly competent in what matters to me or you are in what matters to me. And if there are areas where you're not so competent that sometimes impinge on this, and I'm hoping you grant me the same forgiveness. if we're not always competent in some aspects of what is important about getting this podcast done, we can learn, we can add to it.

Charles: And we have an amazing producer

Charles: who,

Charles: who, uh, helps us out when our incompetence shows up.

Ila: I hold him. The highest level of competence in the technical abilities to produce our podcast. So, Chad, we love you, Chad, like seriously, you're a God's end.

Charles: And she's talking about, Chad just so you know, all 

Charles: so thank you for walking through this It's lovely and very important to me to know that You hold me as trustworthy in all four domains.

Charles: and. I think it's important and valuable to have the conversation, even though we kind of believe that's true. it's nice to hear it. And if it were to be fraying in some domain, if there was something that came up for you. The other thing that I trust is that you will bring that up in the domain of care. I trust that you will say something. If there's something that is bothering you or an idea you wanna put forward that you're not sure I might go with. or like I. Complete trust that you will bring it up,

Charles: which makes me feel like you're a real partner.

Ila: I feel the same. I absolutely feel the same. And in this moment, I'm just really appreciating how. internally, I absolutely held you and assessed each of those domains the way we've said it out loud, but the power of actually saying it out loud to each other.

Charles: Yes. And so going back to, again, our purpose is to give you our listeners, the tools and the path forward to be able to do that in your lives with the people you work with with the other people in your lives, where that matters. so it's one thing to say, have a conversation about trust. it's something else altogether to actually do it, even with someone you trust and who you believe trusts you. it's a little risky, it's a little bit vulnerable to do that. And it's a lot vulnerable when you really don't know. so having the framework that we've been talking about helps a whole lot, it helps in terms of. Being able to move into the conversation and move through it. And when there are glitches or issues or small breakdowns or even big breakdowns to be able to talk about them. 

Charles: I'm feeling like this is a good place to wind up this, episode, this conversation it's been, I think, a valuable conversation for me, for sure. to go back and touch in, on our purpose and how well we're still aligned with it. And if it's still the right purpose, which I feel it is.

Ila: I do too. 

Charles: once again, thank you for a good conversation. we invite our listeners. You are listeners. If you have questions, concerns, issues related to trust, building it, maintaining it, repairing it. Please feel free to send us an email and we will be happy to consider and very possibly bring it forward.

Charles: and one of our, podcasts it's completely anonymous, so we won't be naming names. but what we will be doing and able to do is bring real live issues and concerns into the conversation in a way that I think will help a lot of other listeners. often I know people think, oh yeah, you know, this is just my issue. it's just my concern and my experience over and over and over again is if I have something that I think is just my issue and I, put it out there so many people come, oh God, I, that was me too. Oh, thank you for bringing it up. I just thought I was just me, 

Charles: so. Yes. We'd encourage you to, get in touch Charles insight,

Ila: Or I L A@ big change 

Ila: Thank you so much for this conversation. My heart is full. thank you